What Really Cranks my Tractor

Here's the Top 10 reasons why it's SO easy to laugh at Auburn (Aubum):

10. They go 1-7 in the SEC in 98, fire their head coach halfway thru the season, promise the job to their defensive coordinator (one of the best in the country), then hire the coach of the ONLY SEC team they beat to be their new head coach, prompting their defensive coordinator to retire and later sue them for not making him coach, which he claims they promised him.

9. Aubum likes to tell everyone they have solid fan support. In 1993, Aubum went 11-0, their best finish EVER, yet they sold out only TWO of their SEVEN home games! The sellouts were for the Bama, and Florida games. This decade(1991-1998), Aubum has never sold-out more than 3 home games in a season.

8. For 4 of the last 5 years, at least one Aubum player or signee has been charged with at least one crime, ranging from simple assault to murder. The latest criminal is Clifton Robinson, who was charged with raping a 15 year-old girl earlier this year. His case goes before a grand jury on July 15th. This is not Clifton's first brush with the law. After signing with aubum in 97, he wasarrested that summer in his hometown of Naples, FL, for stealing and forging checks.

7. 'We'll end up having the No 1 class in America'-WR Willie Northern, a 98 signee of Aubum speaking on where the Aubum 98 class would end up being ranked. The 'experts' didn't agree, ranking the Aubum class at best as 51st in the nation. Later 7 of the 28 players in this class would fail to qualify. Don Page quit this year, and Willie Northern himself was cut from the team this year.

6. After new coach Tommy Tubberville allegedly tells all the prospects he contacted during the recruiting process this past season that Aubum would play FSU this fall, Aubum announces(after signing day) that they will BUY-OUT the game rather than play FSU! Aubum substitutes Appalachian State on their schedule. AD Housel and Coach Tubberville both claim Coach Tubberville had no idea Aubum planned on buying out the game. A couple of weeks later, Coach Tubberville admits that he did in fact know Aubum would buyout FSU, despite his earlier claims that he didn't.

5. Aubum has the exact same number of SEC titles as Georgia Tech, who asn't been a member of the SEC in almost 40 years.

4. How little tradition does Aubum have? In one year, 1992, Alabama was able to do 2 very significant things, win a national championship while NOT under probation, and win 13 games in a season. Aubum has not accomplished EITHER of these things in 107 years!

3. When WR Robert Baker was arrested for selling and distributing cocaine in 1998, then coach Bowden immediately claimed Baker was a 'victim', and personally set up several visits with NFL scouts in the hopes of him going to the NFL. Baker was sentenced to 15 years in jail. 10 months later, and despite the objections of the Lee County District Attorney, he was released after serving less than a year of a 15-year sentence.

2. A lot of schools have had brushes with the NCAA. However, Aubum is truly in a class by themselves when it comes to breaking the rules. How bad are they? Aubum is currently tied for being the most penalized in history, and their TENNIS and GOLF programs were once put on probation.....AT THE SAME TIME! They cheated at TENNIS AND GOLF, PEOPLE!!!!!!! Aubum has won one NC in 107 years of playing football, and yes....that one came while they were under probation. Over the last 4 decades every Aubum football coach, or AD, or BOTH, has had to appear before the NCAA Committee on Infractions for SERIOUS VIOLATIONS. EVERY ONE!

1. What do Trinity, Camp Griffin, Centre, Georgia Navy P-F, Camp Sheridan, Sewanee, Marquette, Manhattan, Maxwell Field(?!?!?),Birmingham Southern, Villanova, George Washington, Santa Clara, and Davidson have in common? Despite being teams no one has ever heard of, these are all teamsthat have BEATEN Aubum! In fact against the following teams: Camp Griffin, Centre, Davidson, George Washington, Georgia Navy P-F, Manhattan, Maxwell Field(?!?!?), Memphis, Santa Clara, Sewanee, SMU, and Vanderbilt, Aubum has an ALL-TIME losing record!!!! Against VANDY for goodness sakes!!!!!!! Sheesh if that isn't the perfect capper to a why we laugh at Aubum, I've never seen one!